Fits.

She was scared.

This was a low point; she was scared of even showering now.

As she huddled into herself under the hot sprays of water, she felt the dread in the pit of her stomach.

She knew it was coming, and she had no way to brace herself.

She stopped breathing shortly after her body went completely numb, and she fell limp on the uncomfortable shower and bath floor.

Her eyes were wide open, even as she wished they would close. It would be so much easier to excuse this as fainting.

But things were never easy, and this was not just passing out.

Her toes shook for once; that usually didn't happen. It felt like she was looking down on them; as if she was standing up. She felt like she was no longer connected to herself. No longer in sync with anything.

Slowly, the feeling came back to her body, her fingers tingling and her stomach tightening. She stood up shakily, patting down her damp hair and shutting the water off.

Her legs were like jelly. They couldn't support her.

She wrapped the biggest towel around her, a pure white. She almost snorted.

There was nothing pure about her.

She sat down on the closed lid of toilet seat, staying there until she was sure she could move normally.

Later, her aunt would bang on the bathroom door and shout at her, asking her why she always took so long. Her aunt would curse until she got bored, and then her footsteps would echo, followed by a door slamming shut.

She'd get up, wipe some steam from the mirror, and looking at her reflection. She grimaced at the red on her face. She must have banged her cheek on something during her fit.

Her fingers moved over the skin there, and she was almost happy to feel the sting of pain.

As long as she wasn't numb, not breathing, cold, on that floor, she was almost okay.

Almost.
{*}{*}{*}

Not actually sure what that is. I wrote it after one of my fits, and yeah.

I do kind of like it... I don't know. It's longer then the other stuff I write.

Opinions?

(Title might change to "Almost.")

xoxo

-{mari}

tablets

there's tablets to make you sleep
there's tablets to keep you awake
there's tablets to make you sane
there's tablets to stop the shakes.

there's tablets to make you high
there's tablets that make you low
there's tablets that bring you pain
there's tablets that make it all go.

there's tablets to make you happy
but somehow i'm not really alive
and i take all these tablets just to live
when really i'd rather die


---
i don't know where it came from, sorry for the insanity, i just needed to vent
x

I Only Have.

I have pen marks all over my hands
From relentlessly writing about you
How you hurt me
How you destroy me
How amazing you are

I have scars all over my body
From relentlessly releasing the emotions you provoke
The anger
The sadness
The happiness

I only have the last fragments of me
From you relentlessly taking everything else
As if you wanted it
As if you needed me.
But you don't.
{*}{*}{*}

You guys shouldn't have to put up with my crappy poems.

xoxo

-{mari}

Paint

The paint was peeling off of her walls by now.

She'd been gone months. Maybe even a year.

It had gotten to the point where no one noticed she was gone. No one missed her; no one thought of her.

Her old room was to be remodeled into something else. It was in shambles. The posters that once hung up on the walls were losing their adhesive the same way the paint was.

The bed, drawers, and lights were dusty with neglect.

Once in a while, some one would go into the room, look around, and then leave. It felt weird to be in the room as it was. That's why they were remodeling it.

Everyone was so sure she wasn't coming back. They pretrended she was somewhere else; somewhere else shirking responsibilities and being as care-free as she liked.

Really, they all knew she was dead.
{*}{*}{*}

That's terrible. I wrote it using the prompt "The paint was peeling..."

Yeah :(

xoxo

-{mari}

Award!

Lanna over at Community for Bookworms gave us this award :D

Unfortunately, I can't think of anyone to give it to. :P

xoxo

-{mari}

More Headers

I love this one. So I decided to put it up. But if you don't like it that's fine, we can change it.

All credits for the avatars used goes to iconator.com.


xoxo

-{mari}

Header

I think we need a new header for this blog.

I've made two, but if you want to make one go ahead, and post it here. Then we all vote on it.

Sound good?

:)

Mine are pretty sucky...yeah...

xoxo

-{mari}

Crazy

They called her crazy.

She just sat there, every day, staring out that window.

Never eating.

Never blinking.

Maybe even never breathing.

Any time some food was pushed in front of her, she left it there, occasionally picking up a spoon and playing with the nutrients.

Her favorite thing to play with was cereal.

Out that window she stared, into the cold, dark, wet town in which she was locked inside.

Desperate to leave but afraid of change.

It had snowed again. Everyone knew that she thought the snow was either pretty or disgusting, depending on when you asked her.

“I like when it's just a beautiful blanket of soft white, looking so pure and untouchable.” She would say. “But then we, the wrecking machines, will stomp over it and turn it brown and dirty with our shoes and spit. We are truly awful creatures.”

She had lost all faith in people, she said. Everyone had either made things worse or made things better only to let everything get more worse then before.

They called her crazy.

Sometimes, if you looked close enough, you could see her moving her lips, as if she was whispering to someone out the window.

There was never anyone there.

So they called her crazy.

Over the years she learned to take it as a compliment.

So they called her insane.

And she liked that even better then crazy.

So they sent her away.

And she never came back.
{*}{*}{*}

Don't know what that is.

Hate the ending.

yeah.

sucks.

xoxo

-{mari}