Wish

I wish I was enough to convince you.
I wish I could tell you everything you’ve done that kept
me alive. I try, but you doubt yourself, and you’re just so stuck
on believing you’re evil and that no one wants you around.
I want you around.
I need you around.

I feel like I’m trying to save your life.
And I’m failing.

I wish I was enough to keep you alive.
I wish I could tell you how amazing you are, and how you
help everyone around you, and you’re not a screw up, but you
won’t believe me; you just remark about how you’re worthless.
You’re not worthless to me.
You’re not worthless to anyone.

I feel like I’m fighting a battle.
And I can't win.
{*}{*}{*}

Old thing I wrote a while ago.

I'll be posting tonight.

xoxo
-{mari}

Day and Night

All through the day
I feel it.
All through the night
I feel it.

All through the day
I feel betrayed.
All through the night
I feel hurt.

I want it stop
I need it to stop.

Why can't I be happy?

(dammit that sucked ASS! Sorry, I guess I'm just too depressed to even wright)

NaNoWriMo

I figured I should put a bit of the idea for NaNo here...

Title: Mysticism
Author: Mari Ellis Wright
Summary: For years fairies and humans had managed to live in a not-so-perfect but tolerable harmony, until the day when Messina showed up, a leader who strongly believed she possessed black magic. With dark magic sweeping the nation, the fairies are getting weaker, eventually dying. When her family becomes one of the endangered, will Donella team up with the beings she hates and look past her problems to the bigger picture?
Cover: notmadeyet
POV: Third person omniscient.
Genre: Fantasy/Angst/YA

I'm so excited.

I think I'll be doing this story, definitely. :)

xoxo

-{mari}

Fits.

She was scared.

This was a low point; she was scared of even showering now.

As she huddled into herself under the hot sprays of water, she felt the dread in the pit of her stomach.

She knew it was coming, and she had no way to brace herself.

She stopped breathing shortly after her body went completely numb, and she fell limp on the uncomfortable shower and bath floor.

Her eyes were wide open, even as she wished they would close. It would be so much easier to excuse this as fainting.

But things were never easy, and this was not just passing out.

Her toes shook for once; that usually didn't happen. It felt like she was looking down on them; as if she was standing up. She felt like she was no longer connected to herself. No longer in sync with anything.

Slowly, the feeling came back to her body, her fingers tingling and her stomach tightening. She stood up shakily, patting down her damp hair and shutting the water off.

Her legs were like jelly. They couldn't support her.

She wrapped the biggest towel around her, a pure white. She almost snorted.

There was nothing pure about her.

She sat down on the closed lid of toilet seat, staying there until she was sure she could move normally.

Later, her aunt would bang on the bathroom door and shout at her, asking her why she always took so long. Her aunt would curse until she got bored, and then her footsteps would echo, followed by a door slamming shut.

She'd get up, wipe some steam from the mirror, and looking at her reflection. She grimaced at the red on her face. She must have banged her cheek on something during her fit.

Her fingers moved over the skin there, and she was almost happy to feel the sting of pain.

As long as she wasn't numb, not breathing, cold, on that floor, she was almost okay.

Almost.
{*}{*}{*}

Not actually sure what that is. I wrote it after one of my fits, and yeah.

I do kind of like it... I don't know. It's longer then the other stuff I write.

Opinions?

(Title might change to "Almost.")

xoxo

-{mari}

tablets

there's tablets to make you sleep
there's tablets to keep you awake
there's tablets to make you sane
there's tablets to stop the shakes.

there's tablets to make you high
there's tablets that make you low
there's tablets that bring you pain
there's tablets that make it all go.

there's tablets to make you happy
but somehow i'm not really alive
and i take all these tablets just to live
when really i'd rather die


---
i don't know where it came from, sorry for the insanity, i just needed to vent
x

I Only Have.

I have pen marks all over my hands
From relentlessly writing about you
How you hurt me
How you destroy me
How amazing you are

I have scars all over my body
From relentlessly releasing the emotions you provoke
The anger
The sadness
The happiness

I only have the last fragments of me
From you relentlessly taking everything else
As if you wanted it
As if you needed me.
But you don't.
{*}{*}{*}

You guys shouldn't have to put up with my crappy poems.

xoxo

-{mari}

Paint

The paint was peeling off of her walls by now.

She'd been gone months. Maybe even a year.

It had gotten to the point where no one noticed she was gone. No one missed her; no one thought of her.

Her old room was to be remodeled into something else. It was in shambles. The posters that once hung up on the walls were losing their adhesive the same way the paint was.

The bed, drawers, and lights were dusty with neglect.

Once in a while, some one would go into the room, look around, and then leave. It felt weird to be in the room as it was. That's why they were remodeling it.

Everyone was so sure she wasn't coming back. They pretrended she was somewhere else; somewhere else shirking responsibilities and being as care-free as she liked.

Really, they all knew she was dead.
{*}{*}{*}

That's terrible. I wrote it using the prompt "The paint was peeling..."

Yeah :(

xoxo

-{mari}